Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's too easy.

It's too easy on the weekend to be overwhelmed...by nothing. Fuck.

All week I work my 40 hour week, 8-5 or 7-4, and soon 6-3. Then the weekend? I sit on my butt, and plop in front of the computer. No more cable means more Hulu and Surfthechannel for sure. But after watching that, it's just wasting time. While shit sits on the floor. Tomorrow morning, I'll be productive. Til then, good night.

Currently: Rihanna - Russian Roulette

Friday, September 11, 2009

There's not that much to say, RIP Clement Tsai.

That's about it. RIP Clement. I know you're smiling down right now thinking, "I've made a positive impact on so many lives." And you're damn right you have.


Yesterday was a really rough day for a lot of people, myself included.

You see, I've been blessed by God to have some of the most amazing people surround me. Sadly my family is quite small, and I only have one grandparent left. My father was an only child and I have no uncles.

In 3rd or 4th grade, one of my classmates was struck by a car while crossing the street near Park Village Elementary and Park Village Community Park. She was jaywalking with her friend to get to the park from school and as she almost reached the other side, a car stopped and waved her across. That driver had no idea that in the next lane over, a car was unable to see the kids running across the street and tragically, struck the poor girl and that was it. The parents were distraught and the entire neighborhood was shaken. How could such a thing happen to such an innocent child? Then the usual came. Blame. Blame it on the driver who stopped, who should have seen the other car coming. Really? Is that who we should blame? Or perhaps we should blame the kids for breaking the law and jaywalking? No, we couldn't ever do that. How about the driver who wasn't paying attention enough to see kids crossing the street? Sure, let's blame them.

I hate that. Let's not point fingers, let's properly mourn those who should be mourned. To be honestly I never really knew her. She was in my grade and I should have known her but it didn't shock me to the core because we weren't very close, and barely acquaintances.

Suicide hit in high school with a friend of many of my friend's. I didn't know him personally, so I wasn't really shaken, but it still affects you because they took their life into their own hands. Thinking that it was a solution. In reality, it was a "permanent solution to a very temporary problem" just like Will says. That loss affected many people because he was considered one of the nicest kids around.

Freshman year college, one of my roommates took his life into his own hands. I did know Danny personally and my memories of him are jovial and positive. How could they not be? He was easily one of the smartest kids I knew, guaranteed 4.0 kid who screwed the curve over in Chem and Bio classes, yet you couldn't meet a more humble kid. Never put others down to build himself up, never. He was a truly genuinely nice guy. Sadly I didn't get a chance to really know the inner Danny, and when he passed I was really shaken. Shaken at the thought that somebody that physically close to me, he lived right next door to me in my dorms, could be gone, and we'd never see him walk through the front doors again. But emotionally, because he wasn't a best friend, I guess I wasn't extremely torn. Sure emotionally ravaged enough to alter my studying abilities, but we weren't the closest of friends, but I can still consider him a friend. He was always full of wisdom, in an awesomely nerdy way, yet he was always quick enough to create a comeback out of the blue to really knock you off your feet. He had such a beautiful mind, and although the details of his passing are kinda hazy, a lot of things don't quite add in up his suicide, he is gone. And hopefully, to a much better place than this crazy world.

Likewise, I want to talk about Clement. Danny was a roommate and a friend, somebody I should have known better, but I was too involved in my own things that I didn't get a real chance to hang out with him enough, or spend time with him. Clement I knew a bit better, somebody I would always see on campus. I remember I really grew close to TKE because of Greek Week and being paired with them allowed me to expand and meet some new people, some amazing new people. He wasn't part of TKE when I got to know most of the TKEs, but because I built good relations with them, I natually met him at their booth.

He was a goofy kid. Always quick to say what's up or hi to me, and I barely knew him. And sadly I will always barely know him. I know the brothers of TKE at UCSD are completely torn to shreds by losing a brother. I know that I won't have that exact same experience or bond because I didn't know him as a best friend would. But I am proud to say I did know him, and he was my friend. A person who I never saw upset, always cheery and full of life. Whether it was a quick handshake on Library Walk, chillin at their booth, drinking at parties, I would always see him and he treated me like somebody who he always hung out with, just like any other brother. It would be stereotypical to say that all fraternities hate each other. And sometimes it's true. Mostly it's not because it takes a lot of time and energy to hate every single person in another chapter. I'm proud to say that I have friends throughout the Greek system and I'm not afraid to step outside of my own chapter, for fear of what? Clement always was a part of why I felt welcomed by their brothers. He never judged, and to be honest I don't think many people judged him because of this. He was a genuinely decent person, a kind heart with a huge smile to match. A true cool cat. Never judging, never had any qualms, just seemingly content with life and being alive. It's a tragedy that that is no more.

No parent should ever have to bury their child. Ever. That is perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world that I can't even bear to imagine. It's not fair. It truly isn't.

This one's for you Clement. You see, we might not have been best friends, or ever had a serious heart to heart talk about life or anything. We did shoot the bull a lot, because hell, why not? But amongst all of that, I saw your true colors. I knew who you were and who you are. Everyone will remember your smile. It was not only a defining feature, something that we can all visualize, it was the perfect external reflection of how you were in an entirety. You were happy. Jovial, full of life. Perhaps it seems trite to say you never had a care, but to me you seemed to just flow with life and that in itself is a beautiful quality to have.

We're going to miss you, hell we already do. I hope wherever you are now, with your beautiful soul, that you can see, feel, and hear our sadness. But let our positive and happy memories of you burn eternal, and outweigh any mourning. It is only right to mourn you, but let that be brief. It only seems right that we celebrate your life, however short it may have been, but packed full of life. So we celebrate the person you were, and will always be. Son, student, brother of TKE, citizen of the world, friend. You have impacted us all. Of course you know that. I just hope that these few paragraphs properly sum up the impact you've had on me.

Please don't drink and drive. The consequence might not only be a DUI, or a damaged car, but imagine a tarnished family. Destroyed. Feel lucky that everyday we are giving a present, a life. Drive safely people. Be aware. Because if you drink and drive, you are putting not only your life into your hands, but innocent bystanders as well.

Rest in peace, bless your soul, Clement Tsai. March 23, 1990 - September 10, 2009.

Could have wished to see how you would have celebrated two decades of life. We will forever miss you and you're impossible to forget. It hurts to say this, but goodbye. Smile on buddy.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Days 4&5 of the Great Sleep Experiment

This is actually written on July 21st, but I'll try to keep these posts consistent so I can backlog them.

Saturday, I went out a movie, saw The Hurt Locker and it was a really cool, really moving somewhat indie film. No major stars (except for Evangeline Lilly, Kate from Lost but her role was so minor and only 5 minutes towards the end). The acting was superb and it just shows that we should be thankful every day that we have brave men and women in the armed forces fighting a senseless, unwinable war and putting their lives out there even if they don't necessarily agree with the politics of it. Thank you for our freedom, thank you thank you US Military. I really pray that Iraq will someday not need us, and have peaceful days without IEDs and senseless fighting. Someday we'll clean up our mess.

As for sleeping, the movie was from 1010pm, so I got back around 1 and went straight to sleep. Had to wake up by 630 to get to work at 7am. I guess I fell asleep around 130 and tried to wake up at 6, that's what 4.5 hrs? Really pushing it when I'm so used to 9 hours on the REM cycles. Woke up around 620,630 and then went to work. Yay.

Sunday, didn't really get to take my 1.5hr nap, but I slept at a reasonable time for Monday I think something like 12 or 1am.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Day 3 of the Great Sleep Experiment

So far I'm liking the results. This morning I kinda screwed up my brain a bit by hitting snooze repeatedly. Whoops.

Last night I fell asleep around 2am, and I planned to try and get just 4.5 hours of sleep and wake up at 630am. False.

I woke up at 620am, and thought I was doing okay. Then I fell asleep again and woke up around 9? I don't know how my cycle worked during that time.

Not tired enough to take my 1.5hr nap yet, but looking forward to it.

So far is this bi-phasic sleep pattern working? I'd think so. It might be psychological for now, but I do feel a bit more alert in the morning and I actually get a bit more done, instead of slowly trying to wake up. I kinda over did it with the 2am last night because I was in bed before 1, but I just ended up listening to music and not sleeping ugh.

Tonight I'll probably shoot for the 6hr goal, so maybe sleep around 12 and wake up at 6? We'll see.

I'm pretty excited for my job interview, well lesson planning, next Tuesday for Revolution SAT Prep. I think their job interview is really cool, basically I'll have to give a lesson for 2-3 minutes on any topic. Really dynamic and innovative, I like their thinking. Not sure what I'm going to cover quite yet, but I'm def. leaning towards something fun like hip-hop. Apparently somebody taught how to tango last time, but I wonder if I'm teaching hip-hop, which I never formally was instructed on, I'm sure I should cover the history of it first and then go into the dancing...yes in a shirt, tie, slacks, and nice shoes. Sweet. I'm really stoked actually, it'll be a cool little thing and I really hope they like it.

Really catchy Lil' Wayne, good work. And bringing in Young Money and Drake? Solid. Love the new track. Sadly I feel like there aren't that many great new songs recently.
Lil' Wayne - Every Girl f. Young Money, Drake
--> Young Money | Every Girl

Correction: Lil' Wayne, Drake and a bunch else from Cash Money Records are forming "Young Money", a hip-hop supergroup. I mean nothing will compare to NWA, but I guess copying Dipset....well, I've only been a fan of Juelz from there anyhow. Best of luck to ya boys.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Day 2 of the Great Sleep Experiment

Last night the last time I remembered looking at the clock before falling asleep was 1:08am.

The first time I woke up today was 5:43 am. Wow, pretty perfectly 4 1/2 hours. I had to piss like a racehorse, then again I drank a lot of water last night at Karl Strauss. Good free food, but $5.50 for a beer plus I was driving, no thanks.

So I went back to sleep, and I woke up, no alarms, at 8:40 or so. My alarm was set for 8:45am this morning trying to get 7 1/2 hours of sleep from 1:15 or so. I love waking up right before the alarm, but of course I snoozed it until 915. Then I set another alarm at 930, woke up at 10 ugh.

I'm starting to get sleepy, I need to take that 1 1/2 hour nap soon. Excitement.

Currently hooked on Dexter. What an amazing show that keeps you thinking. Big time fan of shows with a good narrator too. Love it and can't friggin wait until Nip/Tuck comes back in October. YES.

Update 511pm: So I took that hour and a half nap. Felt great. A little groggy at first waking up, with my usual snooze routine, but only hit it once and was able to wake up fairly quickly afterwards. Currently I feel great. It's hot outside so I do feel a bit drained, but so far I'm diggin this sleep schedule. That 7 1/2 from last night was a bit long, because eventually I will be able to cut it down to 4 hours. Maybe I'll try 6 tonight.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Day 1 of the Great Sleep Experiment (BI-PHASIC)

So I've been reading a lot about sleep recently. I tend to get enough sleep, but like most people I feel lethargic hitting that post-lunch time. I hate waking up early, I'm just not a morning person and I hit snooze a million times. But recently I've been better and better about getting myself to wake up around 9, and definitely before 10. BUT I love my naps. During the middle of the day, they suggest the 20 minute power nap...and that never happens. I tend to do a 30 min, sometimes the dreaded hour, which'll make me groggy. Whoops.

What I've been reading up on is to change from the monophasic, the standard go to bed at say midnight, then wake up at 9, kind of sleep. It's one "bed time" and you sleep that chunk. However, research shows that you tend to cycle every 90 minutes or so because of REM, Rapid Eye Movement, sleep. The good, deep kind of sleep where you have dreams and the time so your brain can categorize your thoughts, experiences, and memories properly as well as heal your body. And if you wake up halfway through, you're going to feel ever more tired than not have napped because your body isn't ready yet.

Given that I love my naps, I think the bi-phasic makes a lot of sense. The goal is to feel more refreshed every day when I wake up. Eventually I can even sleep less, making me more productive (apparently).

So here's the thing. Sleep in cycles of 90 minutes, followed with a nap sometime in the day for 90 minutes. That's it. Tonight for day 1 I will be sleeping 7.5 hours. Then later on I'll take my 1.5 hour nap. Simple? I think so, and if I can do this consistently and feel better, then I'll be really excited.

So wish me luck. Good night.

Monday, June 1, 2009

3. I'm a dreamer at heart, a realist in my head

















First off, HAPPY JUNE. Wow. Anyways, growing up I had a few strikes against me.
1. I'm Asian.
2. My parents are Asian and both are scientifically-inclined
3. I grew up loving science and math
4. Then I grew to be a hopeless romantic
5. I now consider myself one of God's children and while my faith is constantly challenged, I am always renewed in it after overcoming difficulties
6. I follow the media way too much and I watch too much TV

So what to do? Do I follow these wild dreams of the great amazing world, with all of its wonders, or do I try to add up the numbers and see where I could possibly go based on those figures? 

I've grown to realize that I tend to be too laid-back and overconfident in my abilities. Like right now coming back from a weekend at formal and trying to do homework...and it's 330am. Fuck.

But I continue to grow. I like to think myself as 21 years young, and remember today will be the youngest you'll be. Act like it, continue to learn, and be smart.

Tomorrow, June 2, will be 2 very happy and amazing months with my dear dear Katie. Even numbers honey, happy? Jeez. Does that mean our 3 month will be boring or terribly unlucky?

God Bless.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

2. I LOVE Legos and miss them.

Apparently I only post once a month, I will def. change this.

With my creativity as a child, I should have been an engineer in college. But that probably would have required me to be better at math, including taking the 20 series and I'd probably be crying right now. My head barely wrapped around the idea of vectors in 10C and I barely passed that class, but then again I never really did the homework. The only time I've done really well in math was when I do the homework everyday, thank you Rodarte for AP Calculus AB and my A both semesters, and the 5 I got on the AP test.

I still have all of my Legos though. They're sitting in about 5 different IKEA bins in my brother's room. The last time I played with them was with him about a year ago. How depressing is that. I have all the time in the world to go out, play outside, watch TV, movies, play Xbox...but I can't step 5 steps to my brother's room and dump all the Legos out just to tinker around with them. My specialty? Making vehicles. Cars with 20 wheels? Check. Airplanes with multiple wings? Oh hell yea. My mind would wander all the time with giant creations and they kept getting more elaborate as I went along.

My first set ever was a $50 one my parents got me that was a gas station. The gas station was called "Octane" and it featured multiple pumps, flowers in the grass next to it, small cars, tons of workers, and glass paneling for a windowed-ceiling. Sick right? I built it in a day, then tore it all down the next. From there, I got a few Star Wars sets, and other kinds here and there. Now I have those giant bins of Legos, with almost every piece imaginable. And they're all still in amazing quality, sans the few that I had to use my teeth to separate apart whoops. 

Apart from that, my other favorite toy set were my Hot Wheels. In Japan, there's a set made by Tyco that feature working doors, trunks, hoods, and all parts are nice quality metal. My mom would blow a huge portion of her pay check just to support my car fetish. Haha. And I'd line them up like a parking lot complete with a cement mixer, bulldozer, 4Runner, police cars, ambulances, everything you'd expect in a city. Then Costco sold rugs that had roads and parking lots and I became obsessed with it, leaving cars in their parking spots overnight. When my parents would check up on my at night to make sure I was asleep, it was guaranteed they'd step on the cars or Legos. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused as a kid, sorry. 

Then I got my brother involved with the Legos. At first, because he was young, he sucked balls. Honestly, his creations were so terrible I'd tear them apart because he was using up my good pieces. Ugh, terrible child I was. Then he got a stroke of genius, probably because he's left-handed and somewhat artsy, and then his creations were amazing. So much that I wanted him to take pictures and send to them to Lego Magazine hoping that his creations would enter their contests. He'd even make elaborate things and give them to my dad for his birthdays. That lasted a few years. My dad loved them so much that he'd keep finished models, collecting layers of dust, in his office for months. 

Today I asked Katie, because she said she has a good memory, what her first memory of life was ever. Me with my poor memory, I can't even remember what her answer was, whoops. But she brought up the thing about how you can "remember" things when you've seen a photograph of it later on, and you're somewhat refreshed about what happened. For me, the refreshing picture is me playing with those arm exercise bands. However, my first few memories of childhood involve a BRIGHTLY colored set of Lego-like toys. There were neon green parts for wings, and such and I think my mom spent a big chunk of her paycheck for me for that set. Thanks mommy, love ya.

Song of the day: Jamie Foxx | Blame It

Sunday, February 1, 2009

1. I live for naps

It's already February of 2009, and still I'm finding out who I truly am, what I should be, what I might be, what I want, etc. 

So I thought for this entire month I'll drop something about myself everyday. That way I can look back and think hey that's what makes me, me. If I built the momentum, who knows I might even do this throughout March.

1. Naps. How do I function without them? Based on research of human sleep cycles, we are supposed to be diurnal animals. We have two long cycles of awakeness, something that you see in babies all the time. They're super awake for a while, nap for days, then back at it. Normally, people get tired right after lunch say 1-2PM because of this cycle, and usually compounded with a heavy lunch. In Japan they had this little test run of this school where all the kids were forced to take a power nap of 30 minutes after lunch, and ALL of their test scores improved about 30%. Why did we take away naptime? It helped us all grow when we were kindergarteners, whyyyy. 

The other day I slept for 13 hours. It was so unnormal for my body that I slept at 9PM only to wake up sometime late at night, then again early morning and then finally up at 10AM. I was really energetic in the morning, which was a plus. But I still had my dip at 2PM and I felt really dissapointed. Then there are the days when you sleep at 4AM, wake up around 8 or so and feel really energetic but CRASH later. Screw you Newton and your laws of physics.

How sad is it that at 21 years of age, I still don't know what my "optimal" amount of sleep is? I love sleeping in on weekends, but I still will wake up groggy. I try waking up to music, slowly, sunshine, etc which are supposed to help. Personally, I'm going to try to go outside in the morning before going to school. I don't think that could backfire right? I've sadly conceided to the fact that I'll always be tired sometime during the day, but I don't want to face that reality.

Dreams: Probably from a week ago, I dreamt that I was playing baseball with friends. Standing on second base, there was a hit towards the gap and I remember chugging towards home. But for some reason I probably weighed somewhere near 250 lbs but didn't look it. Somehow I was fast gunning it to third, but then my weight caught me by surprised as I rounded the base and I was slow beyond belief. I beat the throw at home, but wobbling around and when I dove for home head first, I did that slow motion grab the base and slightly twirl thing and there's this giant grin on my face when I was safe. And that was a run-on, fuck me.
Let's hope I don't end up that big and/or slow. I know I'm nowhere near the speed I used to have when I played Little League, but yea. I need to get back to running.

PS. I watched the Super Bowl halftime show and sadly I don't know any of Springsteen's songs. But I do know that they're trying to get acts that won't stir up controversy a la Janet Jackson. Somehow I couldn't help but notice the FIRST thing he does when he gets the stage though. Maybe it's because I'm older know and I'm not aware of the little quirks of life, but did anybody else notice that he was on his knees, the mic stand in between his legs thinking...how is this not awkward? 

PSS. Ciara, fuck you. You turned an amazing oldies song in Simply Red | If You Don't Know Me By Now and stripped it just to turn part of it's chorus of "He will never ever love you." Not only are you not even close to key, I don't know what you're doing with your voice to make it even worse. It hurts my ears, I hope your song tanks because that's what I foresee.

Song of the day: Jay Rock | All My Life f. Lil' Wayne